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  • Julianna Sweeney

Behind The Song | "ready"

"Exit Fo[u]r" Track No. 1

I went through a trauma that cut me to the bone... but in that moment, I thought everything was fine. I kept my head up, kept my mouth shut, and jumped into action to take care of business. My family needed a rock and I wasn’t ready to process the situation yet so I stepped up.

The last night I saw my mom, before the surgery that would leave her disabled until her passing, she hugged me and told me not to cry, that everything was gonna be alright. She told me I was strong, she told me how proud she was of me, and she told me not to worry about her because there were little kids in the world fighting the same, and worse, battles than her.

I miss her.

By the time the fall came around, I suppose I should’ve been ready. It wasn’t my season though. I was off to college, staring my life, and experiencing relational love for the first time.

I tend to forget my coat the first time it snows - every. single. year.

My heart found a bandage in a person. A special person at a unique, tragic time in my life. It wasn’t until after we parted ways that I understood why our path was simply an intersection on the greater roads in our individual journeys. Part of me used our relationship as a distraction and part of him simply didn't understand what love was. Young “love” is a tricky little thing... and I swore I was fine.

I miss her a lot.

That first summer was a season of beguiling serenity. When winter came, he said goodbye and I was left to face the trauma that I had buried. The trauma that I put away from the world, and from myself. I grieved. I processed. I prayed. I was finally able to find peace.

I will always miss her, but I know she’s still here.

I know she’ll always be here.

Sometimes you just gotta open your eyes to the signs.


Don't think I'm ready, but here I go

Three steps forward, each one slightly slower

No words

Held me steady, then closed her eyes

Made me promise to never cry

And so I've tried

But I swear I'm fine

I miss my mom sometimes

I should be ready, but I don't know

Forget my coat every first snow

It's so cold

Said he was ready, that we'd be fine

Took me too long to decode that lie

The first time

And I swear I'm fine

But I miss my mom sometimes

Take me back to summertime

When he distracted my mind

Now they both said "goodbye," left me behind

I miss my mom sometimes

Take me back to summertime

When he distracted my mind

Now they both said "goodbye," left me behind

But I've gotta start opening my eyes to the signs

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